Things to do after the break up

Submitted by Wave on Mon, 02/02/2009 - 22:18

At some point or the other, every one of us has gone through break-up. If you are lucky enough not to experience break-up, still, keep reading. You never know when you might need this! Almost gone are the days when you are arranged in a marriage by your parents then you spend the rest of your life with that person with utmost guarantee that nothing ever will part the two of you --- until death. Almost gone are the days where you will do anything and everything to make the relationship last. Almost gone are the days where family, society, value, loyalty and integrity upheld the relationship. As we have progressed with modern age and under heavy influence of celebrity lifestyle of Hollywood and Bollywood, we choose to part in a drop of a hat. We have grown to accustom ourselves with various Zen reasons to a break up: “irreconcilable differences”, “mutual understanding to part”, “wanting different things in life” or “having different vision toward the future”. No matter what names we give to a break up, parting is always difficult despite the span of a relationship. It’s the heart after all that we are dealing with.

Things to do after a break up:

Take some time off. A day or two off work or school will help in healing. Cry, if you must to let it all out. If you can afford to go away on a vacation alone or with friends to take mind off the heartbreak, do so.

Work out. Nothing relieves stress like a good work out at the gym. If you are already regular at the gym, try something new like yoga or Pilates. Yoga can also be practiced at home. If you love out door activities, go hike, cycle, play tennis or swim, whatever you fancy. Now you have all the time in the world to invest in yourself. You will get in shape and feel better about yourself!

Call old friends and family. Family and friends can make you laugh and help you have fun, forgetting about why you are sad. Go out to eat, grab drinks, watch movies, or even work out together. Friends are damn important when it comes to kicking the Ex out of your mind, which is why you should never sideline them when you are in a relationship. Besides friends in need are friends indeed!!

Pamper yourself. Don’t go out and blow all your money because you are upset, but buying something small for yourself can help a lot. Buy a new outfit, a new bag, or a cool pair of shoes or brand cosmetic…… whatever that will help keep a smile on your face. Every person needs the confidence boost! Or treat yourself to a spa. If you are tight on budget, home DIY facial or pedicure can also help boost your self esteem.

Play with your pet. Pets never let you down! Play with your cat, cuddle your dog, or even talk to your fish or spider. Pets can be your best friend and loves you regardless.

Develop a hobby. Take a class in something you're interested in. Learn a foreign language, read a book on the best seller chart, play some video games, volunteer, cook your favorite dish, start a new blog, go out and take photos of anything and everything you find interesting, watch your favorite movie or TV show (I personally recommend watching comedy) or post comment on this website. YEPPEE!!!

Eat your favorite meal. Fix yourself or order something you love but don’t normally get to eat. Order Chinese, fix a steak, make some delicious pasta, go for BBQ or have ice cream, sweets and chocolates. Remember, not to over eat. The idea here is to enjoy! But if you do over eat, help is at hand: work out.

Add some Music to life. Make a CD or change the collection in your iPod with all your favorite songs. Keep them upbeat and don’t put songs that will remind you of your ex on it. Keep it to brand new songs or old songs that remind you of other people and fun times.

Plan for the future. Now that you’re single and independent, plan ahead. Make some fun plans for the future and focus on what you can do next. Update your resume. You can do things that you always wanted done but held on because your previous partner did not like it. Set goals and deadlines for things you want to accomplish now that you aren’t tied down.

Start a personal growth plan. Crying in your room and brooding about what could have been is a waste of time and energy. Figuring a way to avenge how your partner has been unfair to you may satisfy to a certain extent but it does not benefit you in any other way. Remember that your Ex is getting on with his life and you are wasting yours away. The best thing you can do is to work on yourself, on your personal growth. Plan out and state your goals on what you want out of your career and your own personal improvement. Go for your dreams. Work on improving your personality, your character and your attitude.

Change Something. Whether it is a new hair style, rearranging your furniture, room or house, or signing up for some sort of class, changing something in your life can be for the better. It’s like starting a new You- and what a perfect time to do so.

Clean. Clean your room, clean out your car, organize your house. Cleaning and organizing is another stress reliever and it helps keep your space neat too! It also might trigger a creative side to redecorate or renovate. If you are not into cleaning or organizing, hire a maid to do so for you.

Keep a journal. Writing down your feelings, thoughts and emotions is therapeutic. You are able to keep track of how you are managing your life after the break-up. Keeping a journal will allow you to see the growth you make after the break up. Write down your daily activities and your observations including the people you meet and the things you do either at work or at home. You will realize that there are actually many things that are going on around you. It will also help you see a new relationship building up.

Keep Your Distance. Remember that smothering him or her probably sent him or her over the edge. What you need to do is leave him or her be for a time. It may seem odd in saying that but you want him or her to miss you and try to live their life without you. They may find that what they thought would be a better life is nothing without you in it. It’s the whole reverse psychology thinking. Stop Conversing With Them -

Don’t repeatedly call them. This shows that you are in completely desperation and will send them running to hide from you including changing their phone numbers and e-mail address. Don’t become this desperate, clingy fool. Instead, give him or her space.

Don’t Use Drugs or Alcohol. If you are of legal age, having drinks with your friend is completely healthy. But the last thing you should do is turn to negative uppers and downers. This means use alcohol and drugs. If your goal is get back together with your ex, using drugs and alcohol will not help you to achieve this goal. In fact, you may find yourself doing things you never thought you would. This means calling him or her out of sheer desperation and drunkenness. Doing just this shows them that they are better off without you.

Seek counseling. If all else fails, consult a relationship expert or family member you trust. You know you need support if you are using drugs or alcohol to get over your Ex. Please seek help if this is the case.

Take yet another Zen approach: Understand that it’s over. Accept it. Move on. Stop thinking and talking about you Ex. Forget about contacting or spying on your Ex especially in the early days. No need to send him or her e-card, remembering his or her birthday or other anniversary dates. And as long as you still have even a tiny hope that you want to come back together, refuse to see or write to him/her again. Return his/her things or dispose them. It is a way of assuring yourself that you have really accepted that the relationship is over. Keep the gifts, photographs and cards that you have received out of your sight.

What is the worst thing that can happen from the break up? You definitely have learned something from the relationship, about yourself and your partner. It's up to you to answer that. But what is more important is to get on with life. Breaking up is not the end. You still have your family, other friends, your career and a full life ahead. You can make new friends that may develop into better relationships. Life has just started….

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to all......